Corrupt-a-Wish

[Phoenix]

Granted. But instead, a big hairy guy in a mask violates you all night...

I wish that I had someone to love, especially tomorrow.

[Lilianna]

Granted. But it's a 10 year old girl, so you get arrested for pedophilia.

I wish Don's corruption came true... or, at least, not the ruining part.

[Asaryu]

Granted: Your grandparents die in a horrible car crash, and accidentally set fire to an orphanage. You feel awful about the orphans, but the city spends the money they save on the orphans on a plaque commemorating your grandparents as pillars of the community. It makes you feel ill.

I wish...I wish I could go spend my voucher today! I wants smexy underclothes.

[Dirty n Evil]

I wish...I wish I could go spend my voucher today! I wants smexy underclothes.

Granted! But the smexy underclothes you buy end up being something that irritates your skin... in very tender places that you don't want a negative reaction.

I wish that the Tampa Bay Lightning were having such a good season they're predicted to win the Stanley Cup this year. They stink this year.

[midgetshrimp]

Granted... ok no, I can't do that with a straight face. But on their next road trip, their bus gets hit by a plane (it's happened, see: Randy Rhodes) and everyone dies except the first line and Olie the Goalie. Now you start winning more games.

I sish wishes were fishes, because fish are delicious.

[midgetshrimp]

Granted. But you develop a severe alergy to fish and you can't eat them nevermore.

I wish I had my own room.

Granted, but all the spiders living in it are rather perturbed at your intrusion.

I wish we were having a Christmas dinner instead of a Christmas brunch. I haven't had my fix of glazed spiral ham in two years! The withdrawals... are epic...

[Tenjen]

You get your christmas dinner and your glazed ham.

But the Ham is an entire pig. A live pig.

And it aint happy after the glazing...

I wish for the ability to open portals in space and time.

[Retiarius]

I wish for the ability to open portals in space and time.

Granted. The first portal you open, “the stars change; the brazen temple doors open; a vast black corpulence comes forth—”

You have a R’lyeh nice time as you go completely insane.

I save my wish to increase the inherent bonus of my tome of understanding.

[Alisonchan]

I hereby post a new wish to continue the thread: I wish I still felt the magic and joy of Christmas as I did when I was a child.

[Tenjen]

you gain the feeling but it sticks wiht you for the rest of your life and people get sick of your constant happy go lucky nature.

I wish i could meet Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower series.

[Don Alexander]

I wish i could meet Roland Deschain from the Dark Tower series.

Granted. He shoots you.

I wish my mom would hurry up with the Christmas lasagna!! I'm hungry!

[cyanide_sweet]

Granted! The lasagna is too hot, you burn your tongue and are unable to taste any christmas cookies

I wish that the mall won't be crowded for boxing day shopping tomorrow

[Asaryu]

Granted. There is a freak accident and everyone dies. There is no-one in the shops on Boxing day, but there are also no shops.

I wish I had more trifle. I have run out and it was delicious.

[Ithilion]

Granted, you have so much trifle that you can't get out of the room and eventually asphyxiate

i wish i could spend the holidays with my girls

[Alisonchan]

Wish granted, but they develop a rare type of amnesia which renders them unable to remember who you are. Frightened of your seemingly inexplicable behavior towards them (who is this guy?), they call the cops on you. You are arrested and spend several lonely nights in jail, where you are raped. It haunts you for the rest of your life.

I wish that all doctors had to give candy to their patients after every visit.