[Critique Corner] Everyone welcome
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Fan boards for Pixie Trix Comix and Hiveworks
http://pixietrixcomix.com/forum/
MrUnReady wrote:>,>
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>_<;;;;
http://moonlitlivelove.thecomicseries.com/comics/1/
Any you can point out would be awesome, but you know what would be even more awesome? If ppl would tell me how to go about fixing them. I pretty much know I need a lot to work on, but how to fix them is what I need the most. Please? D: Like, I pretty much know I need to work on anatomy or what ever, but which part of the body is not looking right to you so I can work on that more, not just work on the legs when all along I needed to work on the arms.... something like that? D: (I'm so taking this down with in a week. =v=a )
Also, I would like to know if the story flowed right or what could have made it better.
You rely too heavily on tones. Make sure that your tones accent your art, and aren't just filler. Also you should try reading some anatomy books, and see how bones and muscles work
Thank you so much to anyone who helps! I can only pay in muffins! D:
MrUnReady wrote:Thanks everyone for your help! ^_^I shall do some of the things you said for the most part. ^_^b (I'm taking it down now~ Got all the helped I needed/wanted. ) <3
Oh yeah! I'll have my payment up some time tomorrow....er... Today!
redprincess wrote:Okay, after much resizing and uploading I have mine online. Phew! >.< Pain in the tushy!
Anyways I wanted to give a bit of a story for this. When Yen first mentioned in their magazine they were having a contest they gave no outlines what so ever, so I wrote and was half way through drawing it when they gave stipulations. Originally the story was 35 pages plus the splash page. it read japanese right to left with japanese sound FXs. They wanted it american left to right so I had to reedit those pages and rewrite the whole story to fit in 32 pages, (ditched the splash page for the submission but still had it so here it is) which made it a whole lot better, alot less predictable. Anyways, it took me 28 days to write, draw, ink, tone--complete this story. I was working as if I needed to make a monthly deadline. So yeh, anyways... here it is. Please give me honest feedback and I hope you enjoy it. Comic's are meant to be enjoyed by the audience.
http://akinomahou.thecomicseries.com/
A solid work, they talked abit much but it worked out fine. The only thing that bugged me a bit is the art style but that's really just me, Lily was cute when she burbed lolblueyoshimenace wrote:http://blueyoshimenace.deviantart.com/gallery/28053161
go easy on me. like it says in the comments, my writer bailed on me and I had to write the last 17 pages on my own in one or two nights
One thing that bugged me was that although you did draw in subtle background, most of it was toned instead of actually fleshing it all out. It seems like you're too dependent on the tones. For example, pages 8-9,--I felt you could have done more there. It's recognizable as the interior of a car, but it's bland and looks pretty lazy. The tone doesn't make up for anything that's lacking there, it makes the pages look a rushed. You should pay a lot more attention to where the tones went because there where a few instances were I could see it chopped off without entirely covering the area it was supposed to.laurbits wrote:Here's my entry, guys! Have at it. Would love to know what you think.
http://www.laurbits.com/comics/original ... nal-track/
Let's see. I'd pay you guys in virtual llamas but I doubt that would impress any respectable establishments you support. ^_~
First off, I LOVED the art. You inked it very well and it looks great for something just black and white. The character designs were fun and each character was easily distinctive. The characters seemed pretty stiff, like on page 3, the largest panel and the last one for example. In the largest and first panel, her shoulders are uneven to the point where it's incredibly noticeable which makes her seem as if she's standing still, though she is evidently walking, but the shoulders are very distracting. In the last panel, her expression is somewhat vague (can't tell is she's hurt or surprised). Another example of the stiffness is the action scene near the end. Though it flowed very well and I could tell what was happening, her movement didn't seem to flow with it as well as it was supposed to.blueyoshimenace wrote:http://blueyoshimenace.deviantart.com/gallery/28053161
go easy on me. like it says in the comments, my writer bailed on me and I had to write the last 17 pages on my own in one or two nights
Like yesterdayshero already stated, you are able to tell a story fairly well, but the background and anatomy needs work. I agree that the flashback dragged on way too long and left the fight between the girl and the Forest King very rushed. The King's decision was very random and seems almost careless, there wasn't much of a reason as to why he let her off so easily because her speech itself wasn't anything special or meaningful. The story was quite predictable overall, it feels super safe. I think you could have gone a little bolder and tried something less obvious.redprincess wrote:Okay, after much resizing and uploading I have mine online. Phew! >.< Pain in the tushy!
Anyways I wanted to give a bit of a story for this. When Yen first mentioned in their magazine they were having a contest they gave no outlines what so ever, so I wrote and was half way through drawing it when they gave stipulations. Originally the story was 35 pages plus the splash page. it read japanese right to left with japanese sound FXs. They wanted it american left to right so I had to reedit those pages and rewrite the whole story to fit in 32 pages, (ditched the splash page for the submission but still had it so here it is) which made it a whole lot better, alot less predictable. Anyways, it took me 28 days to write, draw, ink, tone--complete this story. I was working as if I needed to make a monthly deadline. So yeh, anyways... here it is. Please give me honest feedback and I hope you enjoy it. Comic's are meant to be enjoyed by the audience.
http://akinomahou.thecomicseries.com/
Thank you for the honest feedback, I honestly felt the forest king scene was rushed, although in my original story that was longer it had more fight and it was a whole less obvious, but once Yen put a restriction on page count I had to find someplace to cut back. I never thought before the flashback was too long but now that you have mentioned it it does seem a bit lengthy for the stories size, I should've aimed to crop some there as well.StrateryB wrote:
Like yesterdayshero already stated, you are able to tell a story fairly well, but the background and anatomy needs work. I agree that the flashback dragged on way too long and left the fight between the girl and the Forest King very rushed. The King's decision was very random and seems almost careless, there wasn't much of a reason as to why he let her off so easily because her speech itself wasn't anything special or meaningful. The story was quite predictable overall, it feels super safe. I think you could have gone a little bolder and tried something less obvious.
Another thing I would like to advise against is using a Japanese title and Japanese SFX. If there's really no reason for doing it besides you think it would be cool or because manga does it (of course they do) then you really shouldn't do it. It doesn't make it any better and comes off as less professional.
But to everyone, I congratulate you on the fact that you were able to finish and submit. I think the fact that you finished a whole 30-page chapter should be something to be proud of (:
and I apologize if anything I said seems incoherent...so burned out by testing week.
so I'm going to go back to dying now